My Life Right Now
by itachianimefan
Summary: AU. One shot. Zero is in the midst of a flowering relationship with Yuki as he just moved To Japan. What he doesn't know, is that his life is about to take a huge turn what an earthquake and Tsunami hit the small island of Japan. Please Read and Review!


I don't own Vampire Knight.

For this fan fiction, Kaname and Yuki are not siblings, and they are all humans (sorry, I know that's boring ^_^;).

This is AU and dedicated to those who have been affected by the natural and nuclear disaster in Japan (sorry it's about a month late; school did not allow me to work on it). And how it can ruin your life, and the people of whom you love. Never take anything for granted, for it can be gone so suddenly. Always tell the people you care about you love them, for the greatest regret is never telling that person you love them, and then they're gone forever. Be grateful of what you have and strive for peace. For only people can accomplish such things.

I remember saying to myself, '_I should have been there. I wish I was there._' I wish I were one of those thousands of people who were watching her play. I wish my life ended on that day of the audition. With everything else.

_It was hard to come to this school. Alone, without knowing anyone or anything for that matter. My mother had recently passed her international test to work worldwide as a medical personnel, so she was never really at home that much. My father ended up caring for me, and seeing that he too needed to travel a lot, as he was businessman, I found myself alone in almost anything I did. He recently stopped to Japan, and I guess this is where my journey began. I had been in England for the past eight years, and now being almost sixteen years old; it was hard to change my way of life. My school, my friends and daily routine all changed when he decided to move to Japan. _

_ The first problem was my language. I always spoke English, and nothing but. Before moving to the UK, I had lived in the United States, where they too speak English. Sure, I knew a bit of Greek, a sprinkle of French, or the odd German words, but I couldn't make a decent conversation with someone who spoke fluently. And then my father decides to take me to some foreign place where I don't even know how to say hello, least of all stay there for my education. It was a nightmare for the first six months. My usual 80's where now in the 60's struggling to stay afloat. _

_ And that's where she came in. _

_ My guardian Angel. _

_ Yuki Cross. _

_ Okay, I know I sound really cheesy, but in reality, it was true. She was hesitant at first, but after a while, where she could see that I was about to give it all up, she asked if it was okay to teach me Japanese, and if I could help her with English class in return. It was like a dream come true. Not only could I pass school, but also I had made a very beautiful friend. My first friend in a long time. Not to mention that she was very popular. _

_ And she was kind, and smart and funny. She took the time to go over all my problems. _

_ "Do you get this one here?" She had asked in English. I smiled back at her. _

_ "Your English is really improving." I noted. She smiled back, "Thank you, and stop trying to distract me from your work." _

_ "You're also very smart, did I ever mention that?" She laughed, and I couldn't help but accompany her. "But yes, I do understand it." I had answered her. _

_ "Good." She replied. "Now on to the next one." _

_ "Really, do we have to keep going?" I asked, looking at her eyes. They were an interesting colour. Almost like a rusty colour, like dried blood. _

_ "I suggest you do." She said, looking down to her page. It appeared she didn't like it when people stared in her eyes. I must remember that, I thought, making a mental note. _

_ After about three months, other students in the school seemed to disapprove of Yuki teaching an outsider like me. At first they were okay with it, as they probably had some sympathy for me as well, but after a while, they couldn't stand it. They thought she could do so much better, and let's admit, she was popular and pretty, which guy in their right mind wouldn't have an eye out for her? And so, she began a target for those jealous girls, and I, a target for those boys. Still, she stayed with me and never complained about who wrote over her locker or misplaced her shoes. _

_ "Why don't you complain?" I asked her the other day. _

_ "Complain about what?" She asked, opening her math textbook. _

_ "About those girls who bully you?" I said, looking at her, but she didn't look up. _

_ "I can deal with it." She answered. "I didn't quite get this question here, did you?" _

_ "Yuki." I said sternly. It made her stop writing and look up. "I don't want you getting picked on because of me." I concluded. _

_ "I know." Yuki said softly. "But it's not fair to you too." Her words, filled with kindness always knew how to make my heart skip a beat. Who would have thought that moving to Japan would be possibly the best decisions my parents ever made? _

_ "What are you doing?" A voice asked. I turned as did Yuki to see Kaname Kuran. My heart fell. He was the most popular guy in the school and possibly had interest in Yuki. _

_ "Mathematics." I said, as Yuki didn't seem like she was going to reply. _

_ "Do you mind if I join?" _

_ "Actually I do." Yuki stated suddenly. Both Kaname and I turned in surprise at her abrupt response. She looked up to meet Kaname's eyes, "Sorry, but this is sort of traditional." She explained as Kaname's expression darkened. He finally smiled and left. _

_ "…That was harsh." I pointed out to Yuki, who was shaking her head as if she didn't care. _

_ "He's creepy. I don't get why the girls are crazy about him." She placed her pencil on her lips. "Okay well maybe he does have looks; I'll give him that credit." I laughed. _

_ "So he's not your type?" I asked. _

_ "Oh jeez, when did you guess?" she said with sarcasm and continued to punch numbers in her calculator. Silence filled between us, as I tried to do my mathematics as well, however, I couldn't stop thinking…_

_ "I hate Mr. Shimaru for giving us all this homework." Yuki finally sighed, putting her head down to on her desk. "Math just racks my brain and sucks out all my energy, you know?" _

_ "What about me?" I said, looking at her. She looked at me, confused. _

_ "Pardon?" She asked, trying to make sense of it. I felt my heart pace pick up, as well as my face redden. I took a big breath. _

_ "Would you go out with me?" I asked, in Japanese this time. Time seemed to slow down. She held my gaze as the silence fell again. Expect this time it was more suspenseful. Finally she opened her mouth; I forced my eyes to look down to the meaningless page of numbers. _

_ "…It took you long enough." She stated. I looked up, not expecting that answer. _

_ "Huh?" I said. It was my turn to be confused. She beamed. _

_ "You really are clueless are you?" She said getting up. I too stumbled up; clearly my feet had no idea where they were. She laughed. How, I loved her laugh. She walked over and held my hand. _

_ "I'd be happy to." _

She was the light of my world. She knew how to make me laugh, how to understand me when I was angry and how to comfort me when I was sad. When could I ever find a person who could do all these things? Who knew me more than I knew myself? I remember the things she used to do to try and cheer me up. Making me my favourite foods, telling me random, annoying jokes, and making those little origami swans, which symbolized good luck and longevity. I remember her trying to teach me how to make them, but I quickly lost my patience. Besides, there was never enough time to do so. Now, I have all the time in the world.

_"I think you should try it." I told her, holding up the audition for joining an elite orchestra. "You're amazing at the violin." She smiled meekly and eyed the date of the audition. _

_ "I don't know Zero-chan." She said slowly. "I'm really shy with these things and besides, we have exams to study for." _

_ "Really, you shouldn't miss this. Plus," I said, looking through the fine print, "they said they'd help with university fees." I looked at her doubtful face. I knew she wanted to do it, she'd be practicing more often lately, and I knew she had the skill to do it. So why not? She deserves something like this. _

_ "Well, why don't you try? I mean the worst thing they could say is no." I assured her as she laughed. _

_ "Oh…all right, but you have to help me for sure," she said, "And be there on all of my auditions." I looked gently at her as my hand reached out to her hair. "Of course." I whispered, "I'll always be there."_

I don't know if it was my punishment. As if it was saying, 'This is all you're fault!" I honestly don't know. All I know is I wish I'd never said anything. I wish, it would all go away. But it won't because that's life. It won't go away. This pain I'm feeling, I'll always carry this pain. This is my punishment, my mark to constantly remind me—it was your fault.

_"HAPPY BRITHDAY ZERO!" Yuki yelled out of my front door, holding a bunch of balloons inflated with helium and threw them at me. "All seventeen of them." Pushing them all out (which was very hard, by they way) I made my way towards Yuki, who was smiling at me. That was probably the best thing she could do for me—smile. _

_ "Shouldn't you be rehearsing for your audition?" I asked, but smiled with her anyway. Deep down I was appreciative that she remembered. _

_ "Silly. I couldn't miss your birthday." She explained, in a way that suggested my question was redundant, as she embraced me. _

_ "Thank you." I said, really lost of words. Thank you so much. "For everything." _

_ "You're much welcomed." She replied as she made her way to her favourite seat in my house—as beanbag. "Do you want your present now, or later?" She asked, fixing her hair. _

_ "Do I have a choice?" I stated. Smirking, she pulled out a box and held it out to me. "I hope it's not expensive," I warned, taking the box. _

_ "It's not really." She said, "I hope you like it." I opened the perfectly wrapped box to find a beautiful engraved necklace in the box. And it wasn't some girly necklace either. Clearly it was manly, while still being beautiful. _

_ "Ok, no fair, we said nothing over $40 dollars remember?" I said, taking the necklace out. _

_ "Oh stop being such a worry wart." She said, "besides, I didn't buy it, it's handed down in my family. Oh, and you can open it like this," she said, clicking the special button which slowly opened the necklace, "and my picture is right here." She pointed, and sure enough, there was her image staring back at me. Her long brown hair sat just right with her smile. _

_ "Don't lose it." She warned, helping me put it around my neck. _

_ "I promise." I said, holding it within my palms." I turned to her as she rolled her eyes. _

_ "I know what you're thinking and don't worry, I brought my violin with me as well." She said, getting up and heading towards the front door where she left all her other baggage. _

_ "What's all the other stuff?" I asked, clearly puzzled. _

_ "Oh food and decorations, for after I practice my piece." She said, grabbing her violin case. "You know how much trouble I went just trying to bring these all here for you?" She informed. _

_ "I'm sorry I've caused you so much trouble." I said, helping her with her baggage. _

_ "Not at all, you're never trouble." She grinned, clearly amused._

I keep telling myself she'll come back to me. One day I'll get a call and her voice filled with amusement will tell me where to meet her and what we'll do that day. She'll come with her arms out, waiting to embrace me. She'll laugh at my voice filled with worry and we'll keep going onwards, taking one day at a time. But then I wake up and realize, no, she's never coming back. Never.

_"I can't believe I'm nervous." She said, holding her violin, in her dark purple dress that amazingly, I helped pick out. She was utterly surprised and said I had an eye for colour. I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or not, but it seemed to make her laugh, and ease her nerves._

_ "You'll be fine." I said, confidently as I could. Personally, I was feeling a bit nervous at the moment, but I knew it was my job to encourage her. "Just imagine you're playing to me." Subconsciously, I leaned over to brush a kiss on her check. Blinking for a moment, she looked up at my face. _

_ "Thank you, for being here." She whispered. _

_ "I wouldn't give it up for the world." I responded. Glancing at my watch I said, "I guess I should get going, I want to get a seat you know." She smiled as she motioned to go the other way. _

_ "Get a good seat now, somewhere near the front, where I can see you."_

_ "Of course." I answered back, leaving through the backstage door. I made my way through the growing number of people entering the auditorium. Many musicians from all over Japan wanted to get a part in this elite orchestra. Their parents, friends, and supporters all were accompanying them. Surprisingly, Yuki's parents were unable to make it today. With her mother being a emergency doctor and her father working with the trades, they found it very hard to find spare time to spend with their only daughter. _

_ And so, it was only me cheering for her. Somehow I felt kind of saddened by the result, but in another way, I was happy that I could be here for her. Just as she was always there for me. Always. _

_ And then I remember receiving that phone call. I should have turned that thing off, but seeing that not many people called my phone, anyways, the idea never really occurred to me. _

_ "Hello?" I answered automatically. _

_ "Yes, Zero?" my father asked, unsure of things. The background noise was irritating, I could only make out faintly what he was saying. People's voices were murmuring in the background. _

_ "Dad?" I said, clearly surprised. "What is it?" I swung the door open and looked for a good seat to sit. The auditorium was a huge circular building with fancy velvet maroon chairs situated neatly around the main stage. How tiny everything looked. I pushed the phone closer to my ear. "What is it?" I repeated when I received no answer. "Are you okay?" A pang of worry began to flood me. What exactly was happening? _

_ "Son look," He began, a sense of dread hung to his voice. "Your mother." He started, but his voice was drowned by his crying. _

_ "…" _

_ "…she's dead son." He finished and began to sob harder. No words could describe to me the shock I felt at that moment. The pain shot through my body as fast as the news did. My mother…was dead. I couldn't bring myself to believe. Though I rarely saw my mother for more than a few weeks a year, I knew she would always come home sometime, wearing that weary expression of fatigue and restlessness. She always wanted to be out there, in the action, helping those who required it. But more often than not she found herself over working that small body of hers. And now she was…_

_ "How." I whispered, not trusting myself to say anything else. My father's sobs quieted down as he took a couple of breaths to calm himself. _

_ "She was helping a solider with a gunshot wound. And then they were caught in crossfire." He explained. "Neither of them survived." _

_ Again silence. What exactly could I say? _

_ "I need you here son, they're bringing her body here by air, and they told me she'd be here within 15 minutes." I nodded at his request. I couldn't leave my father by himself to mourn our loss. Not to mention, I didn't think he would be capable of 'identifying the body'. Quite frankly, he was more sensitive than my mother. I had to be there for him, just as they were always there for me. _

_ "Right, give me 10 minutes." Surely if I sprinted, I could get there faster. I snapped the phone shut as I didn't want him to force as response. I looked up at the stage. Yuki wasn't up yet and I couldn't re-enter through the backstage. Most likely her cell phone would be off right now. _I'll be right back._ I thought, for no apparent reason. I wanted to be here with Yuki. Besides, it was my idea for her to audition, but I needed to be more with my father. This pain needed to be shared with each other. _

_ Hastily, I grabbed my coat and briskly walked out of the auditorium. I glanced at the clock. It was a good ten minutes before it started, and Yuki wasn't playing until the first two contestants played. I could make it in time—I had to make it in time. _

_ It was hard to remember what I thought about during the time I ran to the hospital. Countless memories filled my head, mostly with my mother and me. Though she wasn't there a lot at home, when she did come, she made it an experience worth remembering. _

_ I didn't remember these tears falling. _

_ Panting, I opened the door to the hospital to find my father waiting. Never before had I seen him look so solemn and alone. Thank goodness I came to comfort him. He barely met my eyes as I talked to him. I wanted to know if he was alright and if there was anything I could have gotten him. He merely shook his head and stared on into a distance I could not reach. I pitied him then. I didn't know what I could do, so I sat down beside him, in silence. _

_ "You know," He finally said, still staring in the distance. "You wake up each morning, and think, oh great, here's another day of work. You follow this routine and life just continues. More often than not, we take it for granted, and it's not until we lose something important when your eyes finally wake up and you realize, no, it's not just another day. It's a blessing." I looked at him, unable to know how to respond, but apparently that was not needed as he turned to look at me. _

_ "I was so lucky son. So lucky, but you know what's so sad about that? I never realized it. I took it all for granted. And now look at me." He voice quavered, and sure enough, those tears of solitude came running down. I couldn't help but accompany him. These were the times family should stick together. _

_ It was perhaps in this moment of sadness that more devastation was about to ht my life. I was about to embrace my father, telling him it was okay, and that we still had each other, but those words never came. _

_ At first I thought it was an airplane, flying too low and thus the vibrations in the ground were accounted for. But that wasn't it. It was only growing in noise and the hospital lights began to flicker out. People's voices began to shout out and scream. _

_ An earthquake. _

_ "MOVE HURRY! EVERYONE OUT OF HERE!" A doctor, pushing a patient yelled as he went through the doorways. He came back only to take more out. Nurses and waiting patients, as they were able, made their ways out into the streets. People began pushing and running. It was impossible to make sense of the whole situation. An earthquake? How would this occur? My father looked up, clearly confused and with my brain slowed down with sadness, it was hard to get it back into thinking. _

_ "Come on dad." I urged, pulling him up as hard as I could. He made no comment but he followed me out into the streets. _

_ It was horrible out there. Everyone was confused on what to do and what would happen next. Rocks from various buildings were falling down and mercilessly crushing any opponent standing in its way. I tried to lead my father into safety. _

_ "Here dad." I said, pulling him side the side of a sturdy looking building. "Now just stay here and don't move." I explained, as he still had a confused look on his face. "I'll try and look for help." I moved towards the rushing people, but I was pushed down by my father. Surprised, I turned around to see him, or half of him as part of the tower from above fell down on top of him. Thought the tower wasn't that big, I could see that this wound would be fatal. Underneath the rubble, I saw a consistent current of red fluid coming out. _

_ "Oh God…"I whispered, moving to touch him. "Not him as well, not my father." I stroked his head and though I felt a faint pulse, I knew it would only be a matter of time before the life that once was would exit him. _

_ "…son." He crocked, as blood dribbled out of his mouth. _

_ "Don't speak!" I cried, "You're going to be all right." I assured him, even though I knew it to be false. That was what a son was supposed to do right? Assure their parents as they were slipping away from you. Angrily I whipped these tears from my eyes. No, I had to be brave for him. _

_ "…I'm so happy…you're…" He said hoarsely and then all within him went limp. I felt his wrist and there was not pulse. Right then, my world came into a standstill. I wanted to yelled and cry with the pain in my chest. _

_ "No…" I whispered, holding my father's head. "NO!" I sobbed into his head as people were running past me. Other's who had fallen were left among the rubble. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that both my parents should die on the same day. _

_ And then, I wanted to die, for there was nothing to live for. I lied there beside him, despite other pieces of rubble were falling. I had no one left. _

_ Zero-kun? _

_I raised my head like someone had called me. _

_ Yuki. _

_ I was wrong; I still have one more person who means something to me. I have one more chance at life. Regretting that I had to, I left my father where he was. There was nothing I could do now, expect pray for his soul. He protected me with his life so that I may live on. Please, I thought to myself. Let not his sacrifice be in vain._

_ Only that it was. _

I hate it when you believe something to be alright, only to find out later that it's not. Or that you know it's not alright, yet assure yourself its okay. Perhaps there are times in one's life where our worst fears become realization. Because happiness cannot last forever, and sadness will once again take over. When people reach this abyss of sadness, it's sometimes hard to come out of it. But with the help of friends and family, I believe one could recover. And that's exactly why I can't recover, because I have neither left to help me out of this abyss.

_When I got there, there was rubble. There were people carrying out other people, the wounded and the dead. There was dust heavy and thick in the air. It was painful to breathe, but I pursued on. The auditorium did not have the best support system as it was circular. I rushed through the crowd, looking for the one person that mattered to me. _

_ "Yuki…" I said, looking around. Silence. My heart paced. "YUKI!" I yelled, running. She had to be alright, she had to. _

_ "What are you doing?" A random stranger yelled, limping away. "Don't go in there it's horrible." _

_ "I have to find her." I pleaded, and looked away from the stranger as he gave me a look of pity. "Yuki!" I yelled again, making my way over and under the wreckage of the auditorium. _

_ And then, as if she could hear my pleading voice, the dust which was thick in my eyes, began to lift and I could see a clump of dark purple material on the ground. I slowly made my way, not believing what I was seeing. Her body was perfect as if she was sleeping, but the gash on the side of her head confirmed what had happened. She had tried to get away, but something heavy hit her head, and she was left here to die alone with her violin right beside her. Slowly I laid my hands around her body and cried. Cried as I had nothing left. And then as if my situation could only get worse a huge wave of water came rushing through. Holding Yuki, I made no attempt to escape. At least grant me some peace to die with her. I thought, as droplets of water splashed my face. Take me too. _

_And it did, and that's when I lost conciseness. _

_ I opened my eyes and I hated it. This wasn't supposed to happen if you're dead. You're not supposed to open your eyes to the sunlight and whiteness of the hospital beds welcoming you. You're not supposed to hear the sirens of the ambulances and shouts of people down below the hospital building. You're not supposed to hear the cries and pains of the people in your same ward. And you're not supposed to feel the guilt and pain as I do in my heart. _

_ Yes, indeed I was still alive. _

_ The doctors came and told me I was lucky. The impact of the wave should have killed me, yet for some remarkable reason I was pulled up to a building and I remained there unconscious until paramedics came, and that wasn't until a LONG time after. They had to take me my air to a hospital across Japan. An earthquake had hit Japan and already there were thousands of people dead, many more missing. When I asked if there was anyone else with me, they merely shock their head, saying I was found alone. _

_ Alone. _

_ That's what I'll be for now on. _

_ I'm not lucky, I wanted to tell them. I'm not lucky one bit. I'm in my living hell. To be alive when everyone else you care about is not. My mother. My father. Yuki…all of them have left me alone on this planet, and you call that lucky? Tell me exactly what the hell is lucky about that? _

_ I felt so ashamed I wanted to kill myself, only to find that I didn't have the means or the strength. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be where everyone else was. Everyone who matter. _

_ When I told this to the doctor on duty, he merely patted my head and told me it would all get better. That Japan would come out of this disaster by the aid of the whole world. We'd work together like one family. I told him out flatly that I had not family left, and that I would never get better. That this pain would always remain as strong and painful as it is. He sighed and told the nurses something. Probably to drug me because I soon fell asleep. _

It took a few weeks before I was released from hospital. I had nowhere else to go. My home was ruined and many people in the area were confirmed dead. I only wished that I would have been able to say something conforming to them as they died. I only wished I could have done something to prevent their deaths. These thoughts lead me to go crazy. I could hear their voices in my head, and my inner pain only grew. Many countries had entered Japan to bring aid such as food and water. And now, a susceptible nuclear disaster was about to occur. I cared about neither as I watched people pass by on the streets.

To many, I have been spared, but to myself, I knew that I hadn't. I knew that this was my guilt for eternity. This is my life right now.

That's it for this fanfiction. I hope it was okay and not too… amateurish. Please leave a review and thanks so much for reading. This is my first one shot, so I hope you enjoyed it, or learned something from it. If you wish to leave more than a review and perhaps discuss the issues about the disaster in Japan, feel free to PM me and I would be happy to discuss it.

~Itachianimefan.


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